Book Tour Virgin is Will Clarke.com

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Play With My Udders. I Will Play With Your Mind!

Never Let Them See You Sweat™

My book tour will take me through the deepest South during July. Highs often hit 103, and the humidity hovers around 80 percent and above.

My question to you, dear reader, is how would you keep from stinkin' while tourin' through Mississippi, Louisiana, and Texas?

Please vote on which method you think would be most effective for me:

1) Currently, I use Doctor Burt's Herbal Deodorant. Even in the worst Costa Rican heat, it works pretty well. Best of all it doesn't contain aluminum and other questionable metallic compounds. So Doctor Burt's Deodorant does not prevent the body from perspiring, which is a natural cleansing process necessary to release toxins. Instead, the essential oil blend of sage, lemon and lavender minimizes and neutralizes odors naturally. And while this might sound like I would smell like wild onions and stinky hippie ass, I don't. I don't even get pit stains. Promise.The stuff  works remarkably well. On really sweaty days, you just have to re-apply it a couple of times or you get in trouble.

2) Axe Tsunami. The unfortunate name (due to the recent disaster) of a good smelling underarm spray by Unilever. It smells better, less detergent-y, than most. Plus, I really like their ads. The product (called "Lynx" overseas)  originated in Europe, targeting smelly 14 to 29 year-old guys to use antiperspirant (which isn't big over there for some reason, especially in France). How did Unilever do this? Well, they told these 14 to 29 year-old guys that they would get laid more if they used Axe. That's basically the core message of all their advertising. The brand has gone on to gobble up market share in the category like PacMan of crystal meth. Insidious or ingenious? I dunno. I am all for people smelling better and getting laid, just not sure about the aluminum and shit which has been linked to causing everything from Alzheimer's to Breast Cancer. But the aluminum is what keeps you from pitting out in even the worst heat. And since I think their ads are funny, and I am still an Ad Geek, and I don't want to smell at a book signing or have pit stains, this is the commercial brand that I would use.

Since you are going to be the people smelling me, which brand would you prefer I use?

Soliciting Advice For My, Um, Friend.

I need some advice. Well, I don't. A friend does.

See, I have this friend who used to work at an advertising agency. This friend of mine left the agency for another opportunity. And she has recently found out that a TV script that she wrote was produced, and now it is being entered into award shows, but the Creative Director at the shop has, for whatever reason, omitted her name from the credits.

Granted, there were probably changes made to the script and another writer had to cover the shoot, but in my opinion my friend should at least be credited as a co-writer since it was her concept to begin with. Since advertising awards can make a big salary difference and provide better job opportunities for a copywriter, I think it kind of sucks that the "powers that be" were so careless about this. But let's not jump to conclusions. 

Perhaps my friend's just worshiping a golden calf, duped by the illusion that awards and bigger salaries really matter. I mean, who's to say the spot is even going to win an award. Plus, my friend's life is going pretty well. My counsel to her is just let karma take care of the situation. We reap what we sow. Right? But other ad people have been outraged by this and counsel her differently.

If you were my friend, how would you right this situation?

 

"Mommy, where do Psychic Cows come from?" "Well, honey, when two web designers love each other very much...."

A lot of people have asked me where PsychicCow.com came from. It's a game that I came up with when I was writing LVLH. The main character plays it way too much and gets into all sorts of trouble.

Anyway, my two good friends, H.O. and Meredith, after being inspired by the mystery, comedy and tragedy of India, created an actual Psychic Cow game just as it was described in the book. They are geniuses. Meredith's cow illustration was even used for the cover of the book. Aside from being bad-ass geniuses, H.O. and Meredith are two of the brightest souls I have ever met. I am lucky to count them as friends. (P.S., H.O. and Mer, I still need to mail your wedding gift. I totally suck at things like that.)

Anyway, may Vishnu flood their web design firm with oceans of clients and may He send them directly to emby.org.